The beginning of every friendship is always special, and often even magical. Two individuals previously unrelated find common ground and decide that they want to be a part of each other’s lives. While embarking on such a journey, people tend to contemplate many things, but rarely the end of the said friendship.
However, it is a sad reality that many friendships run their course during our lifetime. And even though one may not be willing to accept it easily, there are clear signs that indicate the arrival of the expiration date.
Taking to Instagram on April 21, Roz Colthart, a Master of Science in Positive Psychology from East London University and a business professional with over 25 years of experience, pointed out five such signs which are barely noticed by regular people.
She substantiated them by pointing to psychologist Laura Carstensen’s research at Stanford University, which found that “as we get older, we get better at editing who we give our time and energy to. Not because we become cold. Because we become clearer. And sometimes that clarity is uncomfortable.”
The five signs of outgrowing a friendship, as shared by Roz Colthart, are as follows.
1. Quiet sense of dread ahead of meeting
One of the first signs of friendship coming to an end is a quiet sense of dread whenever the time comes for two friends to meet. It is different from dislike or drama, just something like a low hum of discomfort that cannot be explained, shared Colthart.
2. Not sharing good news first
When the person with whom one used to share any good news first drops off the radar, and does not even come to mind before any good news is known by a number of other people, it is a red flag for the friendship.
3. Editing oneself around them
A friend is someone with whom one can have a heart-to-heart. When the relationship is waning, people stop being completely and vulnerably honest with their friend, being aware of how they are going to react in a particular situation. The real stuff often thus remains unspoken.
4. Feeling relieved when plans are cancelled
If friends do not truly want to hang out with each other any more, and start looking forward to plans being cancelled, or even feel quiet relief when that happens, that is a sign of the friendship approaching its final days. Even feeling guilty about the relief hints at this.
5. Feeling tired after spending time together
If the company of a friend leaves one more tired than before, it is a major red flag for the relationship. It might not be apparent every time, but often enough that one starts to notice it.
“If this sounds like you, here’s the thing nobody says out loud. The stakes with a long friendship are high. These are people who know your whole story. But sometimes the kindest thing, for both of you, is not a conversation or a confrontation. It’s just a slow, quiet fade. No drama. No blame. Just two people growing in different directions,” shared Colthart. “And that is allowed.”
