A marriage is a partnership. However, sometimes, the burden of responsibilities falls on one partner entirely, leaving them burnt out. A similar situation happened with an Indian man living in the US.
On September 2, a Reddit user posted on the subreddit r/InsideIndianMarriage about his marriage and the burden of being the sole earner, supporting his wife, their two kids, parents, and his siblings. “[34M Married] Struggling as the only earner in my marriage — need advice on coping with financial stress,” he captioned the post.
Man seeks advice after struggling as the sole earner in marriage
The 34-year-old man revealed that he and his wife have been living in the US for the past 3 years with their two kids. Revealing that he wanted to share his story in hopes that others who may have faced similar situations will respond, the man said, “Growing up in India, I was the eldest son, so financial responsibility fell on me early. I worked while studying, eventually completing my PhD from IIT. After marriage, I moved abroad for work.”
He said that though things seem okay with him from the outside, inside, he feels constantly under pressure. “I’m the only earner. Every paycheck goes to expenses — kids, groceries, outside food, shopping, and local trips. My wife prefers to stay home with the kids, which I respect, but she does spend quite a bit,” he wrote, revealing his issues.
The man added that he isn’t able to communicate his feelings with his wife because every time he does, she gets upset, and he doesn’t want constant fights. “I am a happy person in front of my family…But when I’m alone, working late, or lying in bed, the horror of the financial burden hits me. I can’t sleep. My mind keeps racing about debts, loans, and obligations,” he added.
‘It feels like a never-ending cycle…’
Moreover, when he tried to relieve his stress by playing sports once a week in the evening, his wife got angry as she was left alone to handle the kids. This led him to feel guilty. “I understand her side, so I stopped going in the evenings. Now I try to play early mornings when everyone is asleep.”
The man also explained how sudden big expenses, sending money to his parents and siblings in India, personal loans, auto loans, and day-to-day spending also fall on his shoulders. “It feels like a never-ending cycle,” he said.
“Deep down, I feel helpless, stressed, anxious, frustrated, and sometimes even angry. At times, I feel like shouting, crying, or running away. I love my wife and children deeply, and I want to give them the best. But how do I cope with this financial and emotional load without breaking down? How do others in similar situations balance family happiness with financial reality?,” he asked Reddit in the end.
How did the internet react?
A user called the man’s pain self-inflicted, advising him to draw clear boundaries with communication. “All your wounds are self-inflicted, my friend…None of this is rocket science. But it needs some courage, boldness, and clarity of thought to draw the line and tell people: enough is enough.”
Someone advised the man, “Spending a lot could also be her stress outlet. Maybe she needs her alone time too to meet her friends, read in peace, or anything else that gives her joy. Lay out all the finances, how your retirement planning looks, and discuss how to budget better.”
Another Reddit user wrote, “It’s normal to feel pressured about finances, especially when you’re the only one working. Cut yourself some slack for that. Give your wife a fixed budget monthly for her fun expenses and a separate amount for the house. Ask her to manage with that.”
Someone wrote, “I feel you, bro. I’ve been through these rocky times and came through; it was years of these kinds of differences in outlook in pretty much everything. We’re in a good place now, but I feel battle-scarred.”
What should someone in his situation do?
The most obvious solution to the man’s problem is better financial planning and open communication with his wife and family. It is important to set boundaries, share responsibilities, and manage stress. Seeking therapy and creating a clear budget can help him balance emotional well-being with financial reality.
